Does it sometimes feel overwhelming and stressful to be managing your own business and also raising a teen or two? It can easily feel like you have two full time jobs! As a business owner and a parent, I have often felt like I needed to cultivate the “people” skills that I use in the world of business, on my own family. Skills such as attentive listening, non-judgment, the tone of voice I use, etc. At times, it was a struggle to use these skills at home if I was being reactive with my teens.
As I was navigating the teen years, I wanted to be more responsive and less reactive to my teens and also have them be less reactive with me. Being reactive was standing in the way of good communication and undermining the quality of our relationship. I came to realize that if I truly wanted these things, I was going to have to slow down and take control of my own wellbeing, which meant making my happiness a priority. I knew that if I wasn’t happy, I couldn’t approach any situation with my teens in a clear way and be the supportive parent that I wanted to be.
This also meant that allowing my teen’s moods and behavior to dictate my own mood and behavior would never serve me. I came to realize how crucial it was to also pay attention to what was truly going on within my teenagers, which seemed to often dictate their behavior. This took practice- on both counts and a constant reminder to myself- to not take things personally.
Getting along with your teen and raising the happiness quotient in your home, starts first with better understanding what is happening with them- in their minds and in their bodies. We know how stressed we can feel, but do we realize how stressed our teens are too? Are we giving them the benefit of the doubt as their find their way?
Raging Hormones and the Teenage Brain
The teen years are the transformative years. The years when our teens are experiencing the world and deciding whom they want to be. Their hormones are raging, and you probably already know how little it can take to upset them. As they “try” on all sorts of behaviors, choose their peer groups, ways that they dress and how they speak to you (or not speak to you) you may wonder who these strangers are in your home.
In addition to hormones, let’s not forget their brains. There are numerous studies showing that the teenage brain is not yet fully developed, and won’t be for several years. It’s no wonder our teens struggle to make good choices when they are struggling to think straight.
As a parent, you can’t change their brains or shift their hormones but there is at least one very powerful way you can support your teen and the happiness quotient in your relationship with them. This means teaching your teen how to access their best choices.
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